Did you ever felt boring in your Christian life? I bet many Christians felt this. Then suddenly you live in your own, doing things in your own way, searching for happiness without actually seeing it. You joined bad groups, do horrible things, sleeping late, getting drunk, stealing, or even killing(ants)? No one is exempted in doing such things, especially when they forget about God.

I became a Christian through the help of my best friend who was back then much more rebellious than me. It was July 11, 2009. I was productive then, serious on everything about God. But there is one thing in my Christian Life that I felt so “really” boring. I wasn’t growing. I was so serious but I felt i wasn’t growing. I’ve realize that everything taught at Church was the same. Problems then trials, Pray then grow. I say that I do them all, but i was wrong. I didn’t do them at all. It was because my heart was wrong.

January 2010 when I stop attending Church. Maybe I got tired of working but was not growing. I didn’t know then that my Heart was in a wrong motive state. But through those times many things happened, reminding me that Life isn’t the same w/out God. Trials where to strong, temptations are always on the follow, even suicidal attempts enter my mind. But it was then, June 2010 beginning of 1st year college. I was brought back again by my best friend to God. I gotta really thank her for that. Then I continue ‘till January 2011 again. I felt again that I wasn’t growing. (I got a BIG WRONG HEART). I got bored again, turned away to God and do things on my own. I am not happy on what’s happening. 

But This time it got for real, I came back again for the 2nd time to the help of Youthcamp 2k11 @Peniel,Tarlac. I have no plans to go to the camp, but I was so bless with my leader because she lend me a couple of thousands for the payment and so that i may not have any excuses on not to attend. I have no choice but to attend. At camp, I do not know almost anyone. Only my leader and others who are busy facilitating the other youths. First session, first day, but I was thinking taht…”I want to go home.” , “I wish it’s the last day.” , “home please, home.”  It’s only the first day but I was so weak about this thoughts. I was about to cry that night when God spoke to me, He said “My daughter, you are home.”

How sweet! To be honest with myself, through those years it’s the first time that I heard God spoke to me. then the 2nd day of youthcamp, I was so excited. i manage to meet new friends, and to be serious again with God. That morning, i have a word from God, Genesis 28:11-12. A vision. That midnight, with the session entitled “The cross”, i was amazed to have a vision. As the song “how He loves us” was being sang by the worship team my heart began to sank. When the first chorus was being sang God told me to kneel and worship with all I’ve got. But I was still full of pride then and answered, “I don’t want Lord.” As the chorus was being sang repeatedly, God also insist that I must kneel down worshiping but i don’t want to. Then the verse of the song began again, the lyrics “We are His portion and He is our Price, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes. IF GRACE IS AN OCEAN WE’RE ALL SINKING.” It was when I saw, that I was on a cliff, then the cliff became a boat. God told me to jump, but i don’t wan’t to. Then the part “IF GRACE IS AN OCEAN WE”RE ALL SINKING.” God ask me, “Do you want me to give you grace?” , then I answered, “Yes Lord!” , and told me, “Then Jump.” That is when I realize that He is actually talking in the song. I knelt, no, I dive. haha, It was funny, but nothing can compare that time of happiness in me. ^^

3 days were over, (KULANG!) But it’s all worth it. after coming back from Peniel,  i was totally on fire. I felt growth, I did have my own smallgroup. 2 disciples then. I was so excited to tell the word of God. 

But it’s not still that good. This January 2012, I got lost again. I got bored again. I attend the Church but my heart was wrong again. I attend the Church, but I don’t actually listen to the pastor. My mind is floating somewhere. When we praise, I don’t jump like a use to be. I am there physically but not spiritual. So I stop again on April. But things gone bad again, I lost 2 of my relatives, my 2 cousins suffered from dengue, and my lolo collapsed and stayed in the hospital for how many days. And one important person, let go of me because He wants me to come back to God. :) OK, everything happened for a reason. I cried a lot. But it’s when situations are at best, right? It’s a great opportunity to use that situation and come back to God. I tried again, one night, I prayed to God. I repent, I said sorry. I ask for forgiveness. And all felt great. It’s all worth the sacrifices. I realize that when something or someone is blocking your heart, God will remove it and broke your heart so you may realize that God is the only one who is worthy to have your heart… (SIguro nagsawa nadin si Lord sa paulit-ulit na Buhay Kristyano ko kaya Tinapik na nya ako sa likod, isang napakalakas na tapik. :) )

and now, I’m back again. Through those many trials and circumstances that came in my Life, I’ll make sure that I’ll remain in God now. I realize so many things, that my heart was wrong then. There are so many chances that God gave me to start again, and maybe it’s now the time that I must bring them back all to God. I’ll continue serving Him. I already got tired of being a “hot and cold Christian”. I don’t want to lost anyone again. There is no one who is worthy to have our “precious” heart, it’s only God. 

Have you check your heart? if not, have a grab on your heart and say “Jesus, please look at my heart. Correct it if it is wrong. pls Protect it. I want you to be the only one who will gonna conquer my heart. I LOVE YOU JESUS :) and i’ll never let go on you.”